Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
