all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
how does that bad decision feel?
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