Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
