no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
