she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
