You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
