How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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