oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
