im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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