Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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