I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
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hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
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I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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