What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
