woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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