Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
