Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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