Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
