So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
