You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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