she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
