i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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