I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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