I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
