We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
