PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
