wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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