i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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