youre lurking in front of me
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
