I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You have to summon your inner elephant
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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