sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
