Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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