Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
These tits shall not be calmed
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
