please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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