I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
