my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
