Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
