Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
