I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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