and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
