everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
that's an acceptable place to lick
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
