i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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