Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
