I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
