idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
