it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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