just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
