You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
