I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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