the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
