I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
