i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
