If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you win again, gameday.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
