hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I am midnight drunk by noon
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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