if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
