My liver just broke up with me...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
