I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
