I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
