She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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