So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
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Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
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He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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