Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
