You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize