did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
