I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
