Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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