I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
