oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
