The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
