He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
