i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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