You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize