i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
