my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Panties = found
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
