you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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