Reggie can tackle my bush.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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